Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
