You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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