6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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