Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
