i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Randomize