we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
