woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
