He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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