The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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