you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
