I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
