I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
