Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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