i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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