I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He felt like a one man threesome
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
