My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
