i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
