i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My dick has a subreddit
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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