I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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