I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
