oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
