NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
