So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize