It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also, beer. Big fan.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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