you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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