you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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