You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Are my feet made of real feet?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
