do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
