i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
