Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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