you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
