i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
