Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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