Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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