I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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