This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
