I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
