i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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