If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
