Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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