I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
