we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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