and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
