He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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