What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
