theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
