I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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