if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
