we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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