my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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