I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
