I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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