it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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