Please don't use social media to get back at me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
