Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
