You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
