I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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