WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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