Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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