I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
is that a dick in a sweater?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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