shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
