Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
