OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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