Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
