we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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