Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
