I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
