girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
